O'Connor (a great writer, by the way) begins by taking us through a scenario, where a childless couple gets home from work after a long day and is able to enjoy a glass of wine, each other's company and silence. He contrasts it with the hectic life of a couple with children. He talks about childless couples grabbing a latte on a late weekend morning before hitting the gym. I couldn't help but think about how the scenario pretty accurately describes my life right now, and how deliciously sweet it is. He's right. Why would I want to give that up? Well, for me, having children at some point in my life is a no-brainer. It's a part of life that I want to embrace and I don't pretend that it would come without substantial sacrifice. I know that I will reflect on this part in my life and marvel at how nice it was to only be responsible for myself.
For some people, that desire to have children is simply not there. I can't wrap my head around how that would be comparatively selfish. Is it selfish because they enjoy sleeping in on weekends? Is it selfish because they want to reserve their hard-earned money for personal expenditures like travel and those weekend lattes? Or, to feel financially secure? By that logic, would couples who choose to only have one child also fall into this category? They choose to have one, let's say, because they want to keep some semblance of a relaxing life and be able to feel comfortable financially. Are they, too, selfish?
On the flip side, are couples who decide to have children just taking one for the team to help repopulate the earth? Let's take a look at couples who keep having children because, "I've always wanted a big family!" or "I just wanted another baby". Are they doing a selfless deed by continuing to procreate? What if they didn't consider the cost associated with a family of this size and they can't give their children a good quality of life? What about those draining public resources because they can't afford the expenses associated with a large family? Are they somehow less selfish than those who opt out of parenthood altogether?
In an age of a struggling economy and demanding jobs, for couples who are unsure about parenthood, does it really make sense to embrace an enormous life-changing journey half-heartedly, unsure about how you will provide? Besides, I'm sure for most people, the decision to not have children is not an easy one. It is unconventional, against the norm, with questions of "what if?" potentially lingering. Dismissing that decision as one that is "selfish" is ignorant and disrespectful.
The lifestyle described at the beginning of the post -- the couple with the busy work week, enjoying a glass of wine and silence is a relatively new phenomenon. People used to grow up, get a job, get married and have children. Now, many of us stay in this phase for years before making up our minds about how we want the rest of our lives to progress. From the time we graduate at about 21 and often until we're in our thirties, we're moving around, traveling, figuring out our career paths, and deciding if and when children will be a part of our lives. How great it is that we live in a time of so much choice. I hope to someday live in a time where we won't be judged for the personal choices we make.
